No Competition

By Ray L. May 15th, 2012, under Building You, self improvement

 


 

 

Everyone is made different.

Everyone is raised different.

Everyone has different challenges that they must

overcome.

No two people have the same abilities.

SO, why are you competing?

Why are you worried about the benefits that someone

else is getting?

Listen and listen closely…

If you are competing against anyone else but yourself- you

will lose.

Life was not intended for you to compete with others.

Life is for you to acknowledge and recognize the gifts

on the inside of you. Once you do, now it is up to you

to perfect them and spend the rest of your life using

them and trying to conquer an enemy that is conquering

someone else.

If you are competing with, concerned about or jealous of

anyone else- then you are wrong and missing out on the

greatest part of life- fulfilling your purpose!

 

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Your Goals- How Do They Look

By Ray L. May 6th, 2012, under Building You, self improvement

Goals = targets or milestones that one desires to achieve.

We often hear people talk about goals. You can go anywhere and “goals“  or what people want to accomplish in life will be the topic of conversation.

Everyone has goals. Even a person that doesn’t think he has goals have them. Everybody wants to achieve something in life, be it good or bad.

So, if we are so filled with goals, if we have so many things we want to achieve, if our lives are plentiful and bombarded with goals, desires, hopes and dreams, then WHY are we no better today than we were five years ago? One year ago? Three months ago? Thirty days ago?

I suggest that we don’t really have goals. Active goals. What most of us call goals are nothing more than dreams, wishes and lucky charms.

A goal is more than hoping something will happen. It’s more than wishing you’d get a better job. It’s more than crossing your fingers, closing your eyes and tapping your heels dreaming you were in Kansas.

I know that sounds corny, but that is what many of us do. We get a thought in our minds and we sit back and wait for it to happen. Sadly, it never does.

I can tell people who are just dreaming and those who are really serious about reaching their goals by asking them one question. What does it look like?

People with goals, know how they look!

I was talking to one lady and she said that one of her personal goals was to get married before she was 30. “Good”, I responded. Then, I asked her what does he look like. She was stunned, shocked and everything else. She must have thought I was being sarcastic, because she walked away without answering. I quickly realized that she was dreaming for a husband, she didn’t have a goal to get one.

Let me help you understand what I am talking about. Say you are shooting a bow and arrow at a target. The target is the goal that you want to hit. So, do you know where the target is? Do you know how the target looks? Do you know what steps you have to take to get the arrow from the bow to the target?  Sure you do.

So, why is it that we say we have a target (goal) but we have no clue as to what it looks like or how to get there.

Most times we don’t get what we want in life because we don’t have the tools (bow and arrow), we don’t have a plan (pulling the bow back and putting the arrow in motion) and we don’t know what our target (ultimate goal) looks like.

There are millions of people who have goals that will never achieve them. I know some personally. As a matter of fact, I was one. However, when those same people included a few simple steps to their dreams, they started noticing changes in their lives, myself included.

If you want to achieve your goals, if you want to get more out of life than you ever have, it you want to be in a better place a year from now than you will today, then this is what you need to do:

1. Choose a goal

-This could be a big one or small one, just as long as it is reachable

2. Know how far you are away from your goal

-Identify where you are  and where you want to be.

3. Create a plan

- this includes how long it should take you to achieve the ultimate goal

4. Break the plan down into small achievable steps (milestones) with timelines

5. Celebrate every time you reach a milestone. Celebrate big when you reach the ultimate goal.

-It’s called momentum. If you celebrate the small victories, they will make way to the larger victories

After you reach that goal, don’t stop. Choose another goal. Then another. Then another. Until you are living your best life.

 

More Help:

Get Your Goals On Track

Set and Achieve

 

Know your target

Your Target

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New Book Update- Day 16

By Ray L. April 30th, 2012, under Uncategorized

Wow, how time flies. I must admit, I have been dragging feet when it comes to die-hard writing. I have actually been doing more planning and outlining than actual writing.

I did do something that was very fulfilling and worthwhile. I had a focus group to talk about the book that Raydome Publishing released recently. What an eyeopener.

As an author, when you write a book you think that your work is very good. However, when you hear the viewpoint from others who are not attached to the work, you realize there is a lot of room for improvement. From this point on, I will not release or send my book to a publisher without doing a focus group first.

I will bog down and start writing again. I have so many other “good” idea for books that are coming to me it is hard to focus, but I found the secret of life (I will share it with you one day) this weekend and know what I need to do from this point on.

Until next time,

Ray L.

 

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Enough- Separation & Divorce (Special Message)

By Ray L. April 21st, 2012, under For Action, Thought Provoking

Enough!!!

Enough= suficiente, 足够, dost, genoeg, sapat, assez, αρκετά, ase, cukup, leor, abbastanza, 十分な, satis, pakankamai, cukup, достаточно, kutosha, tillräckligt, พอ, yeterli, đủ, digon, etc., etc., etc.

No matter how you want to say it, it all means the same thing- ENOUGH.

For years, I have been scratching my head as couples marry and then un-marry. For years, I have sat back and watched people go their separate ways over simple, fixable, resolvable problems. For years, I have been baffled as seemingly great marriages fell apart without notice. For years, I have even questioned if my own marriage could survive, because how can my marriage ,which is  mediocre at times, survive if great marriages are falling apart? And now, most recently, I have been hearing more and more about people who have been married for 20+ years now calling it quits. But Today, I will not sit around and watch. Today, I will not turn the other way. Today, I will not hide in the closet and wonder if my marriage has a fighting chance. Today, I  say “Enough!”

Enough already! No More! No Mas!

What is going on with our society to where we have dumbed down the sanction of marriage to the point where we feel that we can just part for no reason at all? What can possibly be taking place between two people that would allow them to struggle together through their younger years, grow together through the mid-life, and then part ways when they should be living the so-called “Good life”?

What is going on? What is happening? Do we not realize the world was build on marriage and unity? Do we not know that Marriage is the foundation of our society? Do we not know that unity and marriage are the fibers to which our universe exist. So, what do we think is going to happen when marriage becomes extinct?

What would happen to a house if you snatched the foundation from underneath it? The entire house will crumble. So it is with our families, communities, societies, nations and the world. If we allow marriages to be dumbed down to the point where they are no longer significant, then we will not need to be challenged by war with another so-called “super-power.” We will become our own enemy and we will implode as a nation. Enough already!

We are in trouble and it is time for someone to say something about it before it is too late. So, today I say “Enough”.

Today, I say that it is time for us to put marriage back into its rightful place. It is time that we re-define marriage before we say “I do” and we remember and discuss its true purpose before we say “I don’t”.

Today is the day. We can either continue down this pathway that would lead to nothing good or we can change directions and return to the path were righteousness presides. Today is the day.

First, I want to charge you…

  1. If you are married, commit to stay married.
  2. If there has been a major event that took place in your life (children left home, spouse sick, lost job, etc.) communicate and refocus. You can not continue down the same road with the same mindset when major events take place. You have to change your mindset.
  3. If you are in relationship with a married person that is not your spouse, cut it off. Stop it.
  4. Find a challenge or goal in life that will exceed your life time. With all the money that Bill and Melinda Gates has, one of the things that has kept them together is they found a common enemy (providing medical and food to third world countries) that they know they will not be able to defeat in their lifetime. If your challenge was to get more money, what would happen when you finally had more money? You will lose focus on what’s important and start fighting each other or feel that you have nothing else in common and go your separate ways. Find a big enemy and go after it.
  5. Have fun. I have never, never ever, ever seen someone get married because they were having fun. This is the key to staying together- having fun.

Enough!

Second, I want to remind you…

  1. Relationship go up and down, while they are growing. So, don’t be angry that your relationship sometimes go down. It means that it is living and growing.
  2. Marriage is the most challenging relationship, but it is the most rewarding one. Stay in there.
  3. True love is not about what someone else can do for you. True love is displayed when you are so focused on what you can do for someone else.
  4. You are supposed to be different. Don’t separate because you are different. If you weren’t different, then why would you need to get married?
  5. Marriage is work. Just like a job, if you stop working, you stop getting paid. When you stop getting paid, you are not able to enjoy a lot of things. When you stop working on your marriage, you are no longer able to give and you no longer are able to reap the benefits.

Enough!

Third, I want to encourage you…

  1. Love your spouse like they are the best thing in the world.
  2. Respect and honor your spouse.
  3. Never give up. Even if that means getting counseling, moving to a different state, changing jobs, whatever! One of the greatest things you can do is focus and stay committed to your marriage.
  4. Encourage others to stay marriage. When you see a couple struggling, intervene. Point them in the right direction. By them marriage books and materials that would help them. Take them out on the town for a day of clean, good fun.
  5. Find out the purpose of marriage, re-establish your foundation, creates some disciplines in your marriage, and make some goals (5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 50 years) for marriage and do whatever it takes to meet them.

Enough!

Lastly, I want you to join with me in the fight against separation and divorce. Today, lets all say ENOUGH!

Pass this article on to every couple you know , especially those contemplating divorce. Make YouTube videos using this information. Tweet someone to read this. Post this on Facebook. Send it to your co-workers, family members and friends. Make t-shirts and hats with “ENOUGH” on them. Whatever creative ideas you can think of, lets do it.

This is where the extinction of marriages and astronomical divorce rates stop. Today, we say enough. Not only does our society and nation depend on it, the future of the coming generations do as well. Taking a stand is not an option, it is necessary.

It is ENOUGH!

Enough

Enough

 

If this has helped you in any way, please consider leaving a comment or contacting the author personally.

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Your Enemy

By Ray L. April 17th, 2012, under self improvement, Thought Provoking

Enemy?

Do you know what or who your enemy is?

When I say enemy, I am not necessarily only talking about a person. An enemy could be a mindset, a challenge, an obstacle, a roadblock, something that you lack.

In other words, an enemy is something or someone that stands in the way of where you are trying to go in life.

What is your enemy? Low self-esteem, finances, your past, a hidden secret, negative thoughts, and addiction, unworthiness, lack of confidence, loneliness, complaining, arrogance, a partner that is going the opposite way, a boss that does not appreciate you, co-workers that are jealous of you, a wayward child that consumes all of your time and money, family members that pull versus push, a health issue, etc., etc., etc.

As you can see, I can go on and on. Although the list above is filled with mostly negative thing, here’s the BIG positive- what’s worst than having numerous enemies is not knowing who or what your enemy is!

When you lose site of your enemy, you are in trouble.

I have seen friendships fall apart, because they lost site of the enemy. I’ve seen people go astray because they lost site of the enemy. I have seen some of the strongest relationships crumble, because they forgot about their enemy.

Listen and listen closely…One of the things that keep us growing and thriving is opposition (enemies). When there is no more opposition, one loses strength and becomes feeble. When that happens, the will to hope and conquer, attempt and succeed, and connect and cooperate dissolves, disappears, and fades away.

When you figure out what your challenge (enemy) is, whether it is within a relationship, on your job, or life in general- please write it down, frame it and keep it before your eyes. Never lose site of your enemy until it is defeated. When and only when that happens, you should never sit back to relax and enjoy the rest of life. No way. Find yourself another enemy. If not, you will start to attack yourself or those closest to you. Either way, the end could be detrimental.

 

Know your enemy

 

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Regret

By Ray L. April 13th, 2012, under Building You

Regret is feeling bad that you tried or didn’t try something.

The problem with regret is that it is not fruitful. It serves no purpose. It just makes you feel bad and takes away time you could be out doing something else.

Regret.

When you try something that doesn’t work, don’t regret- just learn. And when you fail to try something that you should have, don’t regret. Learn.

In life, you will not always make the right decisions. You will miss some great opportunities, but that is not something to feel bad about it. You live and learn.

Regret is only what people with too much time on their hands and no will to try again do to waste time.

regret.

Try again. Try often. Try always.

When you look back on your life, make sure that you can identify everything but regrets.

 

No Regrets

 

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New Book Update- Day 1

By Ray L. April 12th, 2012, under new book update

First day writing my new book… As you all know, today was the first day I started working on my new book. I will be honest with you, it was hard.

I knew exactly what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it, but when I started putting pen to paper, I continued to get fresh and new ideas. Wow, where do we start.

So, I decided to just get started. It doesn’t have to be perfect and in my experience and listening to many of the pros, it won’t be. However, I think the real key is actually putting something on paper When I did that (it took me an hour to get a paragraph together), then things started flowing.

So, that is what I plan to do from this day forward- put something down. I will worry about making it good, when I have it on paper.

Just in case I haven’t told you, my new book is about relationships. The reason I decided to do it it on relationships is the ladies. They were talking, crying, and talking some more about relationships. How bad they were, how they would probably not find the right one, and some of the bad decisions they made in the past. So, I broke down and decided that I would help a lady out.

So, yes this is a book on relationships, but it is also a book on life. Reading it will not only help in your relationship, it will also give you a deeper insight on life and help you with making the right choices so you don’t end up traveling the same broken road that many others have.

Day one is finished. I hope it gets easier from here.

 

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Next Book- In Progress

By Ray L. April 11th, 2012, under Uncategorized

Friends, Family, and Followers…I am starting my next book. So, expect some cool updates in the next few days. It smells like a Best Seller…I hate to say it, but Steve Harvey don’t have anything on this! The world has been waiting for Ray L. Owensby, Sr. And Guess what? He is here.

Ray

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Job- You’re Working Too Hard

By Ray L. April 8th, 2012, under Building You, self improvement, Thought Provoking

Job is where we all have to be, but guess what? You’re working too hard…for them!

 

Isn’t it amazing how many years we spend “on” the job? How much time we spend “at” the job? And how much of our youth, the job takes away?

That is simply amazing to me. How many of our good years we give to a job! Sometimes we don’t even like the job, we can’t tolerate the people, and we would rather be soaking in a tub filled with squid than to be cooped up at that place we call the job.

So, why go? Why do we spend our “good” years there? Why do we miss our children growing up all in the sake of being at work? Why do we miss our most romantic years to be stressed out, discontent, and experts in putting up with stuff and people we despise? Why?

We have to.

Many of us have never been taught the real reason for work. We work to live, but we live to work. In other words, we are on the job to feed our families and pay the bills, but the job is not what will give us “the” life. The experience that we get while on the job, should spill over in to our personal lives where we work for ourselves and profit as a result.

Here’s the bottom line…when we spend our lives “on” the job, we are doing a work that should prepare us with the skills and experience we need for our efforts that take place “off” the job.

 

Job ≠ wealth

 

It’s what you do off the job that will determine if you live abundantly or barely make ends meet.

Think about it…Maybe that explains why some people are the hardest workers on the job but struggle after hours, and some people are mediocre workers on the job yet they are living the life after they leave the job. It is all what you do off the job that will determine what kind of life you live. Watch TV from the time you get home until the time you go to sleep, and you will look around in a few years and wonder while you are in so much debt and can’t take the vacations you feel you should be able to or buy the things you like. Work just as hard after hours for yourself, and during those same years you will find yourself enjoying the good life.

Here it is in a nutshell, no one should work harder for someone else than they should for themselves. Because when it is all said and done, the same company that you have sweated blood and tears for will have a layoff and guess who will go? I have seen some of the best and hardest workers get laid off during the first round of layoffs. The sad part is, they walk away scratching their heads wondering what they will do next. On the flip side, I have seen some mediocre workers get laid off as well, but they were not scratching their heads. They put their full efforts in the work that came after the job. Some of them never returned back to a job, because they found success in what they were doing.

I like to encourage you to find a work, a mission, a purpose that is outside of your job. Put at least 50% (or more) in those efforts. Those things are what will bring you the life that you desire. They will be what you will look at during the end of your lifespan and feel fulfilled. Not your job. Your purpose. Your mission. Your passion. Those are what makes life worth living and the benefits are abundant.

 

“Work harder on yourself than you do on your job. If you work hard on your job, you will earn a living. If you work hard on yourself (or the things that you were destined to do, you will earn a fortune.”  Jim Rohn

 

If this post has helped you in anyway, please consider a donation (no more than a$1 please) or pass this post on to a friend.

job

Get a Passion

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Change- Immediate Vs. Progressive

By Ray L. March 31st, 2012, under Building You, self improvement, Thought Provoking

Change, change, change.

Someone once asked why I am so patient. It took me a moment to think about it, but I quickly responded “most lasting change takes place at a progressive pace and not an immediate one.”

You may be scratching your head trying to figure out what that means. It is simple.

Yesterday, someone(s) won over $640 million in the Mega Millions lottery. What that means is that, overnight, that person’s life has drastically changed- forever. But, what really changed? Their mentality? Their physical state? Or their spiritual state?

Here’s a clue. Their mental or spiritual status was unchanged. So, now that they have all this money, they are still spiritually and mentally the same.

Now, that is not to say that they can’t or won’t change mentally or spiritually. However, those parts of them didn’t change overnight. I once heard a staggering statistic that three out of every four people that win the lottery find themselves in debt or bankrupt within 5 years. Why is that?

Money does not change who you are.

Money amplifies who you are. If you are hateful before you get money, then you will be more hateful after you get money. On the flip side, if you are compassionate before you get money you will be more compassionate after you get money. Now, I realize that this isn’t always the case, but it is more than 99% of the time.

So, like winning the lottery, when there is a sudden or immediate change, more than likely your mentality or mindset is still the same.

So, change that comes progressively(over time), gives your mind the opportunity to change as well allowing you the ability to handle the change.

Let’s look at money again. You are in the financial situation that you are in because of the decisions you have made- good or bad, over time. Over time, you developed a mindset to be in debt. Therefore, your mind is debt-ridden.  If you received a significant amount of money immediately, because your mindset is debt-ridden, in little or no time you will find yourself back in debt.Your mind has not been changed.

I was talking to a group of people the other day and asked them how many of them were in debt. All raised their hands. I asked how long did it take them to get into debt that were currently in. Most said it took them years. Then I asked the magic question, “What would you do if I gave you enough money to pay off your debt today?” What do you think they said? Let me save you some time. None of them said they would use all the money to pay off their bills. A few said they would use some, but none said they would pay off their entire debt.

Isn’t that interesting. Mentally,  they were still in debt. So, no matter how much money they received, they were in debt mentally and could not remain out of debt physically.

So, understanding that progressive change lasts a whole lot longer than an immediate one, produces patience. Although you may want a lot of things to happen right away, I encourage you to be patient and allow the process of change to happen in your whole person. Only then will you be ready for change and be able to handle it when it comes.

Change

Progressive Change is Beautiful

 

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